can’t believe it’s been 3 years!

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Time heals wounds.  Whoever said that is full of shit…lol. No not really but about half right.  I agree that it heals your heart by easing your grief but your mind is a whole other ocean of emotions.  When I sit back and think about the time that has come and gone since my dad has passed I think about the birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, life changes and everything that has occurred without him.  That gets me every time.   
 
Hell he would have never guessed that McCain would lose and we have the president we do.  Jokingly and sarcastically maybe but never in a million years would he have thought it would have came true. Ha! 
 
He would have loved to see my sister kick cancers ass considering he passed away from it.  Everything simultaneously was smashed together 3 years ago today; her diagnosis, daddy’s illness and then passing which was incredibly hard on all of us but no one more than my sister.  That’s enough stress to make anyone crumble but like always she showed grace, strength, and still is amazingly inspiring through it all. 
 
He would have been worried and excited to know I moved across the country.  He always had high hopes for me but we never thought I’d leave Texas ever!  He’d be surprised at how 3 years could completely change a persons’ life for the better.  I wish he could see my house, how my Chevy truck is still kickin’, how these ‘hippies and gold rush folks’ out here do more than surf and smoke pot all day like most Texans think and that they do have decent bar-b-que here.  I wish he could see my Wyatt Earp and Cody they love momma and I know daddy would have reluctantly loved them too. 
 
He would have never guessed my momma would have gotten on an airplane and lived to tell the tale!  She got on her first one to come and visit me in California and has been on the move ever since.  She’s accomplished so much and come a long way.  She misses her best friend and companion of 40+ years and to know a love of that magnitude then to let it go has to be the hardest thing a woman ever has to do.  Their fights, bickering, pinched butts, loving glances, sarcastic daggering glances, nicknames like “big butt” and the joking back and forth of their relationship balanced out the serious and not so serious times. 
 
We have such a huge family and it has gone through some definite changes since daddy passed some for the good and not so good.  If he were here he would have seen Brittany graduate high school, go to college, is a lifeguard and just a very beautiful young lady.  Brooke became an awesome violist, started high school, and is super smart with absolutely everything animals, she also is beautiful and looks a lot like Margaret as a teenager.  The animal changes Margaret’s had in her household daddy wouldn’t have been able to keep up with quite like myself but the big monster MoeMoe and licker Odie; none of us can forget.  Christopher’s out of college, doing extremely well in Dallas which is really great for a very smart and handsome young man he turned out to be.  Kyndel add a few more to her nest and settle down with a nice man who seems to really care about his kids and Kyndel.  Josh has followed in the footsteps of the Berner men by becoming an Engineer for the Merchant Marines which is amazing and has done and seen so many new things it’s unreal.  He will make many friends and many stories along this journey.  Christina and Jonathan both are doing so well in their jobs and families even though there’s always constant change going on.  Nevaeh and Amber have been through so much in their short years on this earth but they’ve come through it all with flying colors and are amazing little munchkins so smart and dingy at the same time; a little Texan and a little Californian.  He’d be shocked at how big they’ve gotten and how many big words Anthony & I don’t even know damn Californian teachers.  Melissa shocked the hell out of us all with her enlistment finally into the Navy.  Regardless of the obstacles she had to go through to get there, stay there and fight hard to continue on with her course of training she really showed her grit and commitment to her military service.  He’d definitely be amused that the Navy apparently just gives money away and that even though Melissa’s only been in 7 months she is almost at the pay grade Anthony is at with almost 5 years in! 
 
I think we all miss his presence and the conversations the most.  The daily numerous phone calls to just check on us and funny voicemails we all knew what he’d say, “hey crystal, this is your daddy…” lol. I knew his voice like the back of my hand but every voice mail was the same it made me laugh then but cry now.  I wish I could hear that voice again.  I think we all miss sitting and talkin’ for a long time about nothing.  Anything would do from the neighbors, the weather from present to past, his family, our family including the crazy ones; nothing was off limits to a good conversation.  He’d tell you what he really thought then what he thought others would think would be politically correct so if someone asked you could just quote the watered down version. LOL!  
 
I think we all really miss that the most and like I said time heals the grief but I doubt it will ever quell the memories in our mind. 
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