It’s been too long….Happy New Year! I hope everyone is enjoying there’s!
New Year, new you?!
So how has the New Year treated everyone? Same old same old or new and exciting?!
Have you begun a daily routine of walking in the mornings or switched cereal brands? Has anyone tried Zumba fitness or the Brazil Butt Lift?! I’ve heard amazing things for both of those things. Don’t knock it til you try it but yes I think the Butt Lift one should maybe have a different name. LOL.
Did you implement ‘no television during dinner’ or less sweets for everyone? How about a commitment to save more money this year or blow all your savings to redecorate your house? Do you secretly want to attend a hoarders/extreme couponers/chocoholics anonymous classes maybe?
I know I’ve been running around like a chicken with my head cut off for a while now. 2012 for us has been fast and furious so far and shows no signs of slowing down. I swear the teachers pile it on after the holidays for these kids. Do they not know that it is Girl Scout cookie time and also kids-spreading-around-the-flu-season?! I do not have the time or brain capacity to sit here and make a mission project or create a dress for Colonial Day! Thank you very much, maybe next time. Sorry I’m done venting. LOL
For some wives even though we may want so many new changes or experiences from the New Year sometimes the Marine Corps thinks differently and they’re deploying or training to deploy or have duty or needed for long hours at work. No kiss at midnight? No one to help you do all the chores and tasks I mentioned above? Don’t feel alone. LOL! To cook or not to cook dinner that is the question!
And for some husbands’ their past will linger over into New Years for unknown years to come. A lot of what our guys experience and live through whether combat or non-combat related can affect them in such a way that they have so much stress and anxiety it affects their everyday lives which in turn affect yours. There isn’t anything you can do to make them forget or change what they feel other than help them realize they will be able to get through it with your support. Keep in mind everyone has different degrees of severity when talking about PTS & PTSD so everyone is a bit different in what they can handle and what they can’t so sometimes talking to an outside person puts all of this into perspective and can give new options and techniques as to how to cope.
A guy got into an argument with his wife over a military picture that was laying around and it brought back memories of that day it was taken. He didn’t remember he brought out the picture or that he was the one who left it out. For some reason at that moment when he caught a glimpse of it he just was mad. He had never talked to his wife about his adventures and experiences within the service so the words he spoke weren’t to her he was talking through her. He took his memories and anger out on the wife and she ended up different shades of blue, purple and red on her face, arms and body. He choked her until her lips were purple and she almost had no fight left in her.
For some reason as her life was literally slipping away in his hands he let up abruptly as if snapping back to reality at just the right moment. The whole story is horrific and saddening but the cops were called and it was a case of simple domestic violence for civilians but for those of us with men who have PTSD it’s that. In this instance the wife left him and only because he refused treatment for his PTSD and without it he is almost guaranteed it will happen again & there are children involved so as a mother she cannot risk it. She continues to ask him to seek counseling for their marriage and the PTSD.
Some of these stories we’ve all heard about recently on the news are more mild and some more severe than others. I’m not saying it is okay for men to hit and abuse women but the shoes have been on many military families without always knowing what the real trigger that set him off was. It isn’t as simple as ok throw him in jail and he’ll be better. Ladies you’re the commander in chief even if they don’t realize it so encourage your husband by helping him get help for himself and for your family and do it sooner rather than later.
Regardless of whether you seek professional help or not there still might be set backs and lapses with varying degrees depending on stress levels and anxiety of each situation in his and your day to day routine. Nightmares, night sweats, getting punched or choked in your sleep? Is there a big social event coming up, parents/in-laws in town, fireworks show, rambunctious kids, too much noise and artillery bombing in the distance? It might not be a great day for your household. This really sucks when arty decides to do their bombing over a consistent time. You may not be able to plan for outings or strolls down the street to see the sunset. Even driving may be too much to handle because he gets such bad road rage just going to the commissary down the block. Roles in the marriage may shift gradually or abruptly so this is where your training and Semper-gumbyness comes in. As crazy as everything may seem when it all boils down to it you love this man and without question back his decisions within the Marine Corps.
I just wish more people would talk amongst themselves or go to a VVSD Family Night and share their stories so it’s not such a mystery that is some secret that no one speaks about. There is always strength in numbers so if someone was to share a story and others have experienced the same thing it’s a huge weight lifted off your shoulders. You’re not crazy yeah!
Some days can be better than others so look forward to those and don’t look back. Sometimes you have to make plans to not plan and live day to day and hopefully eventually you’ll be able to plan that trip to the Grand Canyon, Dollywood or the white sandy beaches of Florida together.
You are not alone in your own anxieties and insecurities about the future and what it will hold. This is a New Year though so we can look forward to a new day every day and it not being the same as the one before that is for sure! And for some of us maybe a little Zumba or chocolate in between…