How to avoid offending another mil spouse…

Things to really think about while reading this article: Are you a supporter of the Marine Corps? Do you take offense when someone says something ignorant about the Marines? Do images of these guys with seen and unseen injuries limping off the battlefield and the photos of flag draped caskets bring a tear to your eye? Do you support your husband no matter what and would advocate for his job in the Marine Corps and your patriotism? Overall people are patriotic to the core. This is our homeland, our military, our land of the free because of the brave and all that right?

Well, let me introduce y’all to a good friend of mine which y’all may see below referred to as Pacheco’s wife aka AnnaLeigh. She is not so new to the circle of friends in my life but new to this blog. She is a young, beautiful brunette & thin like most of us long to be, but also has very quick wit and a short temper for ignorance like most wives who been through what she’s been through.

We became acquaintances under dire circumstances when I was still a family readiness assistant & personal assistant to the newest Family Readiness Officer. She’d called me as her point of contact to tell me it was rumored around good ol’ Facebook & the ‘watercooler’ that her husband was missing limbs and they only found his head in combat yet she hadn’t heard any news from him or Headquarters Marine Corps in Virginia. Cue the expletives! Idiotic, insensitive individuals is what I will say about this situation. This is what everyone meant in those trainings, seminars and meetings about the deployments in saying ‘loose lips’; these individuals should have kept their mouths shut about things they had no idea was true or not; when in fact her husband was absolutely fine. Drama! This is the main reason why most wives are apprehensive to be friends with other wives due to this ignorance and complete disregard for others privacy and feelings.

Her husband, Jason put Anthony on the Blackhawk out of Afghanistan when he was injured so we have always been thankful and appreciative for him in our lives. Coincidentally after she’d talked to her husband about the rumors, just 10 hours later while on patrol he did happen to step on an IED, incur a TBI and lose his right leg and part of his pinky finger. We became actual friends when our lives took an unexpected hard right turn almost at the same time. Between the sometimes simultaneous doctors’ appointments, red tape of injuries, trying to figure out a way to forge on in the Marine Corps and get our guys better; our lives seemed to mirror in more than one way.

So you can see she is just as awesome as her husband and has been through more than her fair share of obstacles! She dealt with unruly in-laws overstepping and overstaying their welcome while she’s trying to reunite with her husband after being in a combat zone and experiencing a horrific incident, this is enough to break anyone! Not to mention both of them were adjusting to the injury itself and those obstacles, the medications, surgeries, opinions, therapies, prosthetics and all that comes with being in the hospital more than being at home. She’s been his rock and he’s been so motivated to get back to where he belongs with his men that he was actually given that opportunity by the Commandant and Sgt Major of the Marine Corps and will leave soon to go back to Afghanistan.

The other day there was a unit function to honor the Marine Corps birthday. She was sitting alone while her husband and mine were running around somewhere and a random wife approaches her. The young lady polite enough and possibly with innocent intentions said, “Hello there, who are you here with?” AnnaLeigh said she was there with her husband, Jason. This wife must not have known who AnnaLeigh was because she then sarcastically and in typical high school girl fashion said, “Well…it must be nice…” Full of self restraint and grace AnnaLeigh responded, “Yeah, it is nice.” The inquisitive lady said, “Has he ever been to Afghanistan?” AnnaLeigh once again with the patience of a saint informed her, “Yes, he has. He went last year and lost his leg but he’s going back again soon.” The young woman was speechless and had to have found herself, embarrassed and outdone so she simply walked away.

Now how AnnaLeigh kept it together I will never know, I wasn’t present to witness this teaching lesson. But I do hope that young lady has more forethought from now on to actually learn a person’s story and not be so quick to be a smartass and stick her foot in her mouth before she disrespects those she doesn’t know from Adam. Especially a Wounded Warrior Wife who’s been through so much in just a year’s time. I hope that narrow-minded person learned a bit of respect for those who are left behind here whether they attend a mostly deployed unit’s event or otherwise. Just because these guys appear 100% on the outside does not mean there are not scars there at all & are invisible to the naked eye. Jason and Anthony both wore pants to that event but they are full of scratches, scars and pain no will ever know but the men they fought with and those closest to them. The Wounded Warriors and their wives shouldn’t have to explain or justify any of that and neither should anyone else who is left behind after a unit deploys. Everyone has a story whether they are asked to tell it or not.The stares, the probing questions, the ignorance is just a glimpse of what Wounded Warrior wives deal with often from strangers even other military spouses, who don’t understand or know our whole story.

We’re taught to love one another and be kind. Would you have judged a book by its cover in AnnaLeigh by having her husband at an event? Would you have been so quick to judge and respond with a snark comment without knowing her story? Do you think that young lady learned to look outside of herself and her situation and maybe won’t be so ignorant to the facts next time?

Dress Code and Marine Corps Events…

Oh it’s that time again ladies…..our superbowl, our Golden Globe Awards, Our CMA’s…let the hairspray and spanx hold on tight here we GO!

First of all did you know on base there is a civilian dress code?  I KNOW scandalous!  I would’ve never thought in this day and age grown adults would need to know how to dress appropriately while walking into the grocery store aka commissary but I’ll roll with it.  Did you know? Your Marine is responsible for your actions, attire and lack of attire at events whether you are on or off base & whether you’re married or ‘just friends’.  We’ll go with the rule of thumb:  If it’s written in here it’s because it’s been done before & to what extent the backlash of the attire categories varies from command to command & will never truly be known but can range from simple razzing and stares all night to being asked to leave an event with a formal follow-up meeting afterwards.  This is simply to inform those who are not aware not condemn but I never said it wasn’t entertaining. 😛

Hopefully you like going to events.  Hopefully you’re a semi-modest, rule follower.  Since there are plenty of events & rules to go along with those events in this Marine Corps lifestyle.  There will be events for you and your husband, just your husband or just you are invited to for many reasons it could be for the entire unit, battalion, a base function, a personal or private ceremony or an organization event. Whether it is announced through email, a flyer or in a formal mailed invitation make sure you look at the desired clothing attire on the invitation. If it is not written specifically call the hostess, event organizer, FRA (Family Readiness Assistant) or FRO for more detailed information. The Marines will know what to wear because their command will tell them more than once. There are a few options for the women though.  Here we go:

Formal Attire aka Marine Corps Ball: ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY WITHOUT EQUIVICATION FORMAL MEANS  Tea, Ankle or Floor length Formal Evening Gowns ONLY!  Don’t be ‘THAT GIRL’.  If you are you are forewarned you may be asked to leave and at the bare minimum will be made fun of & always thought of like that by your peers, your husbands co-workers and bosses.  There is always at least one at every formal event.  This isn’t Amish life so steer clear from making anything yourself.  This also isn’t the Victorian era, flapper era, or your wedding.  As cool as they are it’s probably not a good idea: mini-skirts, nip slip dresses, combo-red, white and blue dresses, too tight dresses, high slits, dresses that require pasties, only have strips of fabric covering your ta-ta’s or would require baby powder before you ‘slip it on’.  Combat boots are optional.  No seriously, leave those at home.  You’re not going to a biker bar or to the field.  We all want to be comfortable but theres a line between sliding off your heels under the table and being disrespectful of the occasion.

Please rememer we are a part of the few, the proud, the Marines not in a costume contest or a group member of the Pussycat Dolls, Jersey Shore, Toddler’s & Tiaras, Kardashians, the Real Housewives or an extra on Magic Mike or Striptease think about not only yourself but your husband when choosing attire for a formal function.

Good dress…BUT…ummmm Okayyy

Combat Boots & RIPPED Crocheted panty hose

Change of Command/Retirement Ceremonies:Attire for Ladies: Dress  although I’ve seen more Business Casual

California Casual: Consists of Skirt, Khakis, Shorts or Nice Jeans (no ripped, torn or faded items)

Conservative Casual/Business Casual Attire for Ladies: Crisp Pants, Skirt and Modest Blouse

Depending on where you’re stationed will dictate the above information and can vary from time zone to time zone. Unless it is 120* do not wear a mini-skirt to a formal event; not only is it against the rules and inappropriate but some senior Marines and wives may call your date/husband out in front of everyone or off to the side and get in trouble because of something that could have been avoided by following the rules.

Other expectations include:

Make sure that you “repondez s’il vous plait” or RSVP meaning, “please respond” so that the hostess will know how many to account for regarding seating and food. You wouldn’t want to throw a party at your house and invite 40 and only 10 RSVP so you cook for 10 but 50 ends up at your house. So out of good manners and respect for the hostess and command please RSVP!

Another big thing at Marine Corps functions is to show up on time. Generally this means 15 minutes before the actual start time to get situated in the room, say your hello’s and find your seat.  If you’re late to a Mess Night or something similar you may not be allowed in until a break & then have to pay a fine of some sort.

Expect to socialize in one way or another.  Do NOT have your cell phone on and if it has to be on for emergencies please put it on vibrate. They typically remind you before any ceremony to turn it off out of respect for others. You do not want to be the one whose phone rings an inappropriate or loud ringtone during colors or other sacred ceremony. You’re husband/date will NOT be very happy with you.

Also, when the flag is passing, the National Anthem or Marine Corps Hymn is playing or the Pledge of Allegiance is being said as the spouse or parent of a Marine, it is customary to stand as well and place your hand over your heart.

Most importantly just have fun & take pictures!  🙂